Tales of Summer: I need a vacation

College summers are the best. Three months straight of doing whatever you want to do; vacations, concerts, roadtrips, sleeping in, not putting effort into anything, etc. It's all fun and games--unless your parents have anything to say about it.

Actor/comedian/musician/smiling man Will Smith once offered this profound observation: "Parents just don't understand." They don't understand why I wouldn't want to be a cashier at Walmart. They don't understand why I would drive all the way to Columbus to see Kesha in concert. They don't understand how to send private messages on Facebook.

Luckily, however, I am understanding. I humored them by working for the world's largest private employer for six weeks before quitting and taking advantage of the rest of my time off... But not before the monotony of retail took its toll on my mind, body, and soul.

Guess which month I worked at Walmart

Seriously, though, it's been a great few months. This has definitely been one of the most enriching, fun, profitable, and exciting summers of my life. And all jokes aside, I was the one who decided to take the job, and it certainly wasn't as bad as I make it out to be. (More about my adventures and spiritual revelations as a cashier in The Collegian.)

So, let this be a celebration of a summer well spent; my first college summer.

I always enjoyed going to VBS (Vacation Bible School for you heathens out there) when I was younger. It was always a fun week where I got to hang out with friends and eat peanut brittle and make glittery doorknob hangers with the phrase "JESUS LOVES ME" plastered across it. It was fun, and I got to learn about God, too. But helping set everything up and being part of it later on? No, no, no. Hated it. Way too frustrating and way too much work.

So much time and effort is required for any VBS to flourish and have results--and this past summer, my church's was especially elaborate (especially for a church our size). It involved a 20-page scripted play and an entire set to be built in our sanctuary. I was asked to be a part of said production and decided it was high-time to get involved and show off my acting chops, too.

A friend and I prepare for the performance of a lifetime

Name: Theodore Tweedle
Occupation: Sheriff of Discovery City, CA
Purpose: Comic relief

That's pretty much all you need to know about my character. It was so much fun getting to act and make little kids laugh, and, when I wasn't on stage, get to tell them about Jesus. (These kids would literally laugh at anything. Did you forget your line? Just trip over something!) I really couldn't be more proud of our production, but, more than that, how receiving the kids were to the message.

Something like seven kids were saved by the end of that week. Now, I don't pretend to think that it was me or anyone at the church that saved them, but what we did mattered. We planted seeds of scripture and love and watched them in just a few days sprout and maybe even grow a few leaves. And it was such a blessing to see the fruits of our labor.

NEXT TIME: Tattoos, gay dolphins, and twenty pounds of sand in my pants. It's Myrtle Beach, baby.

What the Bible would look like if Jesus was born in 1980: Luke Edition

And there were skateboarders loitering outside of a Food Lion nearby, keeping watch out for the police. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they took out their cameras and took numerous pictures. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people," but one skater interrupted him. "We already heard about Jesus on the news," he said to the angel. "We were going to drive up there tomorrow. Thanks, though." (Luke 2: 8-12)

Every other weekend his parents went to the movies in town. When he was twelve years old, they went to watch 'The Last of the Mohicans', because they had read some great reviews. After they left to watch the film, while his parents were in their Toyota Camry, the boy Jesus stayed behind at home, but they were unaware of it. Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a few minutes. Then they looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that he was not in their presence. When they did not find him in their car, they went back to their house to look for him. After some time they found him in the town arcade, playing Mortal Kombat, listening to the cries of his enemies and totally ripping some faces. Everyone who saw him was amazed at his skill and hand-eye coordination. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated - did you just tear his spine out!? Move over." (Luke 2: 41-48)

While a large crowd of reporters was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: "A person sent out all of his tweets from his BlackBerry. As he was sending the tweets, some fell upon the ignorant; it was hated on, because they did not understand his sense of humor. Some fell upon deaf ears and blind eyes, as they were not logged in at the time. Still others will never read the tweets, because the man only had five followers and his popularity was choked out by the more popular users. Still other tweets fell onto his friends. It was read and yielded re-tweets a hundred times more than was sown." (Luke 8: 4-8)

"Or suppose a guido is selected to go to Jersey Shore for a season of filming. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is willing to give up his life back home to live with a group of idiots? If he is not able, he will send a disappointed e-mail informing the producers that he cannot be on the show. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14: 31-33)