What the Bible would look like if Jesus was born in 1980: Luke Edition

And there were skateboarders loitering outside of a Food Lion nearby, keeping watch out for the police. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they took out their cameras and took numerous pictures. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people," but one skater interrupted him. "We already heard about Jesus on the news," he said to the angel. "We were going to drive up there tomorrow. Thanks, though." (Luke 2: 8-12)

Every other weekend his parents went to the movies in town. When he was twelve years old, they went to watch 'The Last of the Mohicans', because they had read some great reviews. After they left to watch the film, while his parents were in their Toyota Camry, the boy Jesus stayed behind at home, but they were unaware of it. Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a few minutes. Then they looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that he was not in their presence. When they did not find him in their car, they went back to their house to look for him. After some time they found him in the town arcade, playing Mortal Kombat, listening to the cries of his enemies and totally ripping some faces. Everyone who saw him was amazed at his skill and hand-eye coordination. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated - did you just tear his spine out!? Move over." (Luke 2: 41-48)

While a large crowd of reporters was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: "A person sent out all of his tweets from his BlackBerry. As he was sending the tweets, some fell upon the ignorant; it was hated on, because they did not understand his sense of humor. Some fell upon deaf ears and blind eyes, as they were not logged in at the time. Still others will never read the tweets, because the man only had five followers and his popularity was choked out by the more popular users. Still other tweets fell onto his friends. It was read and yielded re-tweets a hundred times more than was sown." (Luke 8: 4-8)

"Or suppose a guido is selected to go to Jersey Shore for a season of filming. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is willing to give up his life back home to live with a group of idiots? If he is not able, he will send a disappointed e-mail informing the producers that he cannot be on the show. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14: 31-33)